Can we talk about death?

Can we talk about death?

Almost a quarter of UK employees experienced a bereavement in the period from September 2019 to  September last year (7.9 million staff). A survey of 1,000 people by the Sue Ryder charity has shown that a third of those people didn’t receive any kind of communication about the bereavement from HR or their manager.

Death continues to be a topic that employers – and people in general – find too difficult to talk about. Rather than say the wrong thing, we prefer to say nothing at all. But in the case of relationships with employees, that can lead to damaging effects on levels of trust and confidence. In a separate study by Hospice UK, 56% of employees said they would consider leaving their employer if they didn’t provide ‘proper’ bereavement support.

Bereavement policy

A range of approaches have been suggested for HR as the basis of a policy that can outlined to staff so they know what to expect in terms of leave and work patterns.

A policy might also include help with the grieving process by encouraging staff to have conversations about their feelings, giving space and time to share their experience with colleagues; being flexible to temporary adjustments in work routines, moving them from dealing with difficult customers, being able to start later or leave early or generally take on lighter duties.

Companies will often offer three to five days of compassionate leave as a standard part of an employment contract – but there is an argument for longer periods of paid bereavement leave.

Support or intrusion?

EAPA UK chair Eugene Farrell said: “When an employee is grieving they have every right to be selfish. They get to choose whether they want to talk or if they want to be left alone. They should never feel obliged to conform to rules of behaviour around dealing with death – to want to open up, to be grateful for people’s expressions of sympathy – it’s just too personal and hard a thing for anyone else to have any say on what’s right and what’s wrong.

“That’s what makes the role of HR and managers in bereavement so challenging. And why a formal bereavement policy can’t be prescriptive, it needs to stay a loose guide. People, of course, don’t want to feel like their situation is being ignored, they need to know there is empathy and sympathy for what’s happened. But sometimes arms around the shoulder and constant invitations to talk can be intrusive.

“The great benefit of an EAP service is that it’s always there for staff – anonymised, professional help on dealing with any aspect of dealing with the fall-out from bereavement – so that HR don’t need to push support onto people, leaving them to make their own choices during the hardest of times.”